The Way I Used to Be by Amber Smith

In the tradition of Speak, this extraordinary debut novel shares the unforgettable story of a young woman as she struggles to find strength in the aftermath of an assault.

Eden was always good at being good. Starting high school didn’t change who she was. But the night her brother’s best friend rapes her, Eden’s world capsizes. 

What was once simple, is now complex. What Eden once loved—who she once loved—she now hates. What she thought she knew to be true, is now lies. Nothing makes sense anymore, and she knows she’s supposed to tell someone what happened but she can’t. So she buries it instead. And she buries the way she used to be. 

Told in four parts—freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year—this provocative debut reveals the deep cuts of trauma. But it also demonstrates one young woman’s strength as she navigates the disappointment and unbearable pains of adolescence, of first love and first heartbreak, of friendships broken and rebuilt, and while learning to embrace a power of survival she never knew she had hidden within her heart. 

AMAZON- http://amzn.to/2k9g3yN

MY REVIEW: 

4/5 STARS 

This book is a hard one to digest... While the story line is addicting, it's also quite twisted. Think epic gut punch meets tragically flawed main character. It's an ugly story with a beautiful lesson. 

Eden is raped and from that point on she becomes someone that not even she herself envies. She begins lying, using people, and seeking sex to escape her thoughts. She is a complete mess and it is all due to that one secret that eats her from the inside out. While she has a great group of friends and a loveable boyfriend, that all ends quite abruptly. She speaks mean words and behaves with vulgar actions to push them all away. Her best friend grasps on by her fingertips, but even she has to let go near the end. 

It's a story about chain of events and how one situation can alter your whole life. It shows the importance of facing fear and standing up for yourself. It shows the impact of words and how holding in burdens can only wreck havoc on the keeper. It's a deep read with adult themes, but it's one I recommend to all older teens. I think it's a story that should be felt by all those going through similar situations or even just be used as a guide to know how to spot when something isn't right. It's a story that will stick with me for a long time and Eden is a character that I will continue to loathe even though her story is tragic.