Today we have an Excerpt from Think Sex by Veronica Peel.
Release Date July 1st
Release Date July 1st
Excerpt from Volume 1 “Enters Paolo”
I knew this was going to be a problem. Ever since the first time I had sex, I cannot kiss
anyone without thinking about it. If the guy is a good kisser, one kiss pushes all the good
buttons. Then it’s a question of when. Usually my thoughts are (if there is one at all)
“The sooner the better”, or “I have to live in the now”. There’s also a justification like
“Life is too short” - Living in New York City I could get hit by a crazy bike messenger
riding on the sidewalk, or something like that. However I don’t want to be too trampy (a
little trampy it’s okay for fun in my book) and I make myself wait for a few dates to
make sure that’s what I really want. It’s like being in line at the supermarket. There is all
that good candy you have been trying to avoid by the register. They know we are all
impulsive, and that’s why the candy is there. Bright colors, definitely loaded with sugar,
pocket size and as our well trained brains think: instant satisfaction. We won’t be happy
later (Salad and yogurt the next day,) but that’s not what we are thinking when we grab
the candy bar (And when I say candy bar, I mean the guy’s ass.)
Sex is not always that, though. First of all it ends up costing you much more than you
think: Shoes, dresses, nails, meals – don’t shoot me but I cook for my man sometimes -
and if you hate yourself later it can’t be fixed by eating salad and yogurt the next day.
That’s why I would normally prefer to wait. But tonight it’s the new normal. I am trying
to shake off a bad break up. Maybe this hot guy can help me move on. It’s different. It’s
not me following him because I am insecure. He is not pressuring me. It’s all me taking
the lead, taking him home. On my own terms.
I know everyone is going to be mad at me for leaving early but Estelle will explain. Guy
is talking to Eric and probably waiting for the waitress. On our way out I mouth “Thank
you” to Estelle and she replies “Enjoy, Carina.” We both can’t believe I am doing this.
She is almost more excited than me. This is the best fake birthday present she has ever
given me. She knows to call me later to make sure I am still alive. I’d do the same for
her. When you are alone in the city your friends are your family. We take care of each
We walk out of the club like we are a couple. I am filled with energy and excitement like
a high schooler cutting class and try to hide the fact that my palms are sweaty. I dry them
up against my dress. The doorman sees us, and he doesn’t smile. He is looking at me like
he can’t believe I am leaving with another man. Whatever. You’re married, dude! I try to
take a look at his hand to see if I can spot a wedding band so that I don’t feel too guilty
(He is super cute after all) but we are walking out and I don’t want to be obvious. I’ll deal
with it later.
We get into a cab and I tell the driver where to go. Next, I lounge onto my Portuguese
man. Sorry. Just couldn’t wait to get to my apt. Not very proper but he is the best kisser
and I want more. If I am doing this like in the movies, I will do it all the way. No looking
back. He pulls my hair a little when he kisses me. Oh dear Lord. My eyes are closed but I
can feel the cab driver looking at us through the rear view mirror. Not sure if I like that
so I stop and sit back on my spot. Ouch! I sit on the belt buckle from the seat belt. He
hugs me and pulls me closer to him. I am not comfortable at all (But I don’t want to
move.) He can’t help himself either. I love it. He slides his hand down from my face to
my chest to my waist and I tuck my stomach in so that it feels toned. I wish for abs of
steel. Glad I had a light dinner. I take his hand back to my chest and we are putting the
entire back seat to good use. All of it. I feel the cab stopping. We have arrived. He pays
the driver and opens the door for me from the inside and pushes it outwards. I am closest
to the curb so I get out first and hold his hand as he comes out. I feel like if I let go, all
my confidence will shatter and I will end up feeling awkward and apologizing for not
being able to go through with this. We are still connected so all is well. I look into his
eyes and immediately look away. I know I look confident as if I did this often, but the
reality of it is that it’s all an act. Show no fear, I tell myself.
I am doing this. I know I can.
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